Shoeless at Walgreen's

The other night I had a dream. I was in Florida at St Pete Beach with Barkley. In the dream I had found myself there with no shoes. This could only happen in a dream. I am after all the man that packed seven pair of shoes and a quest for inspiration to New York over Thanksgiving. The dream started with me driving a grey ford taurus rental car very early in the morning. I can even feel the petal of the car on my bare foot. Yes, in the dream I'd somehow traveled to Florida with zero pair of shoes. I was embarrassed and had sneaked out of the condo before Barkley woke up. This too could only happen in a dream because he is usually at the gym in the early AM while I am starting to have dreams like this. Anyway, the day is bright and warm; I am listening to the sound track to "Rent" song number 16 on the two disc set. I'm singing at full voice on my way to Walgreen’s to buy a pair of shoes. (Why Walgreen’s for shoes? Maybe because that is the only store I know in St Pete.) In the car I was joyful and happy. Thought it was silly and funny that I'd forgotten shoes. Proud that I was about to fix the oops. I'm not sure what all the clear images are all about, I had on a black Doulce and Gabona T-shirt and a white swimsuit. I drove and sang and thought about what kind of flip flops I'd find at the drugstore. "Something black would be perfect" I thought as I drove along Beach drive.

I parked the car and finished my smoke. I walked to the door and stopped and read the "No shirt, No shoes, No service" sign. I was horrified. I stood there thinking "I need shoes to buy shoes!" In the dream people came in and out and looked at me and my shoelessness. I became worried and panicky. I dare say, shame came to mind. As my good attitude began to fade. More people passed me as I only looked through the glass at all the things inside Walgreen’s I was unworthy to buy. I was like Dolly Parton in her coat of many colors that her Mama had for her. At least she had shoes!

Just as the dream got really dramatic I woke up. I ran to the dressing room and inventoried my shoes. Just kidding. I got up, let the dog out and thought that was the dumbest dream ever. Why, I thought, did I not just walk in the damn store and buy flip flops? I'm sure there is no security guard that would put me in jail for improper attire while shopping at Walgreen’s on the beach. Why would I let a posted list of rules stop me? Obviously I have not managed to dismiss the dream.

I went to work. Did not mention it. I just could not stop arguing with myself about going in the store. I wished I could go home and sleep and do it better this time. I did get home that night and look in the "Dream Encyclopedia" the word shoe. It says to dream of shoes may mean the dreamer is coming to grips with accepting who and what they are in expression in the world. OK. Nothing about Walgreen’s.

I think it means I do not like rules. Home Depot would agree. Like a Miss America, my platform on the employee committee was "quality of life issues". Things like set days off or days off together. Maybe a Sunday off every five years or so. They responded by firing anyone that made over 35, 000 a year and hired all the spouses of the soldiers at war and pay them 7.00 an hour so they have no quality of life.

Truthfully, I do like this new life of few rules. At first, being a waiter again at my age was hard to imagine. Then the savings was gone and I had to imagine uglier things. I now find myself glad to offer a cheese course and suggest a thirty year old port. I've also managed to help breath new life into a friends business (I hope). I've realized I have tried to create the kind of place I'd love to shop and make a living. I have done both jobs and done other design work too. All that and I'm off EVERY SUNDAY! That’s a rule I like. Maybe the only rule I like.

My take on this is that it is sometimes more fun to not play by rules. I once wrote about the quintessential human specimen and all I thought that would be. In that piece I described all that I'm not. That was many years ago and I I've long ago accepted the human I am. I'm old enough to accept and enjoy the life I am willing to create for myself. That is how I apply the passage from the book. All the same, look out Walgreen’s, I'm comin' in naked and I'm buying flip flops.

Valentine's Day

As Valentines day approaches I am asking a question my friend Richard used to ask. "Where's the love?" In the face of great unkindness he would ask "Where's the love?” February has been host to the romantic celebration for years. I have taken part in the hearts and roses thing when appropriate. I've learned a lesson, the hard way, and it made me know where my love is. So much of it is in my friends. My dog for that matter. I extend this fourteenth to include all the people I love and care about.

I unfortunately got involved in a domestic dispute over money. My friend was so upset and asked very large questions about what I thought she should do. In my efforts to put things in perspective I brought up a piece of history that was best left for the history channel to dig up a hundred years form now. Thinking that if a relationship can survive that, there is no question about the money issue. I thought this was old news to all concerned. However this ugly rumor was in fact making a debut performance to my friend. As she took in the information and asked the questions I wondered if it was the Inca's or the Mayans that learned how to make themselves invisible through meditation. I will regret nothing more than bringing to life what was dead and gone.

For days I have wondered about the fine line in friendship, between honesty and ignorance is bliss. Dear Abby once advised someone to stay out of other peoples affairs (insert obvious joke here). I have avoided getting pulled into the 90210 zip code until now. My heart was in the right place, and I plead absence of malice. I was asked to get involved and advise. I only hoped to paint a big picture of all things considered. And then you can only ask yourself what you are willing to live with or without. I had no idea that some of the brush strokes would leave such an impact. There is a line in the movie "The Women" the mother tells Mary "Don't' talk to your girlfriends about it. They will see to it in the name of friendship that you loose your husband and your home." This was not my intent.

I am shocked at my own short sightedness, not seeing how this could change a friendship. Even end it. I would have thought myself to be the last person on the planet to hurt any of my friends. Yet here I am. Knowing how much I love these people and so aware of what I've done to cause ill feelings. I am now from this day forward the guy that said too much.

Yes it is true; I've put myself on the cross. When I get down I will hear no evil, speak no evil and see no evil. I may not speak at all. The anguish I feel is telling of how much I value my friends. I was never unaware of their significance in my life. Only now I'm very aware of what it would be like with out either of them. I have for so long basked in the warm glow of their friendship and too shined upon them the same peaceful light. I think now the shadows are best left in the dark. There is no need to witness what can not be seen by the light of day. I know where the love is. I hope it is always there. I hope someday this lapse of judgment on my part is deep in the darkest shadow of our history.

Until then, this has brought to light the need to appreciate all that we love. To dance with it and sing to it. Buy it candy and roses. Not just this month but everyday. That is where the love is. In shadow and in the light. To see the beauty in that contrast is wise.

Shine onto all you love this Valentines day, know where your love is.