Is That My Neighbor Screaming?

It was a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day in Germantown. "Would you like to be my neighbor?" The word on Delor is yes you would like to be my neighbor. This news coming from Liz. Who I have called Gladys Cravettes for six years. She earns this nick name because she knows EVERYTHING about our neighbors. To include the new ones. I never knew the guy that lived there but, she did I guess. When the house sold it was irresistible to find out what it sold for so I asked Gladys and she told me the price and that Jimmy (the guy I never met) sold it because he got a job out of town.

"His wife left him because she hated Germantown and he didn't want to move," she added.

"Really," I said, thinking there was more to the story.

"He just let the place go after that." I had not noticed.

"The new couple John and Linda are expecting a baby. He is a landscaper and she teaches Spanish at Male High School."

You get the idea. I'm sure she has a credit report on all of us too.

I'm not a snob, just busy. I just never walked over to strangers houses to introduce myself. What do you say, "I live over there and I'd like to be your friend because we both qualified for a similar loan amount and bought houses on the same street. Now, tell me all about you."

I keep to myself and tend to my garden and house and feel great if I have time for that. Last week I was doing garden chores when Todd called. I stood on the back steps surveying my hard work listening to Todd talk about patio furniture at Target. We agreed that we are both to old to have plastic patio furniture. Anyway, the sun was out and Shug laid on the iron lounge chair watching me and the ice cubes in her water bowl melt in the sweltering heat. That's when I saw it. A rat. A rat in the Garden of Joy Cottage. "What is the world coming to?" Shug stayed put and watched it run across the patio and around the fence. The dog never moved. I did. I ran into the house and locked the door.

Me no likie rat. Later, Shug did put herself to use. She did the hunting dog point thing to behind the garden table under the breakfast room window and I knew what was there. The table is about twelve feet long and covered with potted plants. I stood on the table and carefully stepped around each pot. I carried a shovel and wore gloves. If I owned a gun I'd have taken it, too. An old board behind the table was leaning against the house. I used the shovel to pull back the board. It was there. Did you know rats can jump? Like pro basketball players they can jump. I screamed. I screamed like no grown man ever should. I threw the shovel and ran like a waiter to free food. Once again into the house with the door locked because rats are notorious locksmiths as well as basket ballplayers. Safe inside I looked out to see other neighbors on their deck watching this scene. From a distance it looked like they may have been laughing.

This is a neighbor I'd like not to have. Needless to say, I avoided the back yard for a day or three. I installed traps and dog safe poison traps, etc. I worked on the side yard and the front yard for a while. Only to be attacked by a bumble bee. It chased me around the garage and into the fence. Running very fast and looking behind you is stupid. I was bruised for a week.

The next Sunday I talked to Liz (AKA Gladys Cravettes) my human neighbor. After the past week I was afraid of my own yard and the critters there-in. Next thing I knew I was moving her bushes and borrowing her lawn mower. I understand why she gets to know people so easily. She is a very nice lady. She said she had been to Oscar's Hardware about a thing and Timmy asked her where she lived. She explained.

He replied "Oh, you live next door to the Topiary Tree House". Meaning my house.

Not only does she know every ones name and medical history on the street but the neighborhood hardware store too. I respect that. It's nice to live next door to someone like that. And learning that my house has the guys at the hardware store talking made me feel better about the rat. I felt close to her and told her I saw a rat in the garden.

"Is that what you where screaming about the other day?" she asked.

I received a lovely thank you card from Gladys. She thanked me for the help with her bushes and said she loved living next door to the prettiest house on the street. And that it was nice to get to know me. She did not mention the rat or my screaming. Thats a good neighbor.