On my way...

I like to think everything happens for a reason. Some things are more hurtful than others and the hurt can linger in your heart like poison. Slowly killing you and robbing you of joy. When life is good it is easy to heal, let go and forgive. Life is good and I’m moving to a great love, a great career in a great city. I’m packing light, emotionally and otherwise.
It was almost twenty years ago that my parents learned I was gay. My sister in law was friends with my boyfriends’ housekeeper. She was telling my sister in law and mother that she hated cleaning for a gay man. “He owns that flower shop downtown. I’m worried I’ll get AIDS.” She told them. My mother knew I worked at the flower shop. Like an episode of ‘Murder, she wrote’ my mother figured it out. I moved out of my parent’s home that weekend. We did not speak for six years.
My parents are a part of my life again but I withhold the parts I think will upset them. So when I found myself trying to get out of a violent, unhealthy cohabitation I never mentioned a word about it. Our phone conversations kept to the subject of the last trip they took while I dodged the toaster being thrown at my head.
They never knew that Greg died. They never knew of this man that came into my life like an angel and gave me the courage I needed to end the violent relationship. His love and attention reminded me what I was missing. It gave me strength to fight back and rent a U-haul and end an unhappy time of my life.
Greg died the same weekend that U-haul pulled away from the house I named Joy Cottage. I’d love to know the reason it happened that way. I’ve spent enough time trying to figure it out. As I reclaimed this house with paint and tears, it slowly became a joyful place again. My heart took longer to mend.
As I select the things to take with me I’m wondering what I can leave behind. The truth of who I am will follow me where I go; so I honor my history. We have no choice but to embrace it and build our future with an open heart, letting out the ghosts of hurt and anger that have become habits more than feelings.
This time it will be me driving away from Joy Cottage. I will take with me a spirit of joy I worked hard to make happen. I will be accepting my blessings as I forgive and let go along the way.